Still needed it seems

« hi | HELP »

Still needed it seems

by Usksider ^Pro @ 14.09.2009 – 05:08:16

I came very close to closing this blog some months ago; I seemed to have my depression well in hand and there was little or no activity going on here. In retrospect I'm very glad I didn't now... several new members have joined recently and for some reason I haven't yet worked out I have been undergoing some stresses of late and have dipped back into the pit of despair on more than one occasion.

I've found in the past it helps me a lot to 'talk' about my feelings and get things out in the open, so here goes...

Right off the bat I want to say I'm not feeling suicidally depressed; my medication keeps me away from those depths thank God. I am bloody depressed again though and can't work out why... I recognise the symptoms, but can't find the causes.

I'm not sleeping well right now, a sure sign things are not right with my head, and I'm drinking far more than is good for me. I'm eating a lot too... another sign things aren't right... I often become a grazer when I'm down... comfort foods... it's never a good sign. And I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything, so the house looks like a tip and so do I!

The really crazy thing is I know what needs to be done... it's not as though I haven't been here before after all... so why in the hell aren't I doing something about it? Sitting in the corner crying sure isn't the answer, but that's the one thing I seem able to do with no effort at all.
Options:
Tags:
- life
- death
- depression
- health
- suicide
- usky

44 Comments to Still needed it seems

Hide subcomments

- tylluanpenry
- 14.09.2009 @ 07:38:10
Oh, Usky, I'm truly sorry to hear this. Back in the early days when I started blogging I always treasured you as a true and helpful friend, and have valued you every since. Do please let me know if there is anything I can do. Depression is an absolute bugger. It creeps up on people unawares and gets them in its grip before they know it.

And if you need to cry then do - tears are often a very good escape valve for a wide number of physical conditions. Every so often my problems with my eyes gets to me and I have a damn good howl - and feel a bit better afterwards.

Be good to yourself Usky - and cry and comfort eat if that's what you need. And don't be afraid to lean on your friends - of whom you have far, far more than you probably realise.

I'll burn some incense for you today.
Brightest blessings
Tylluan
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 14.09.2009 @ 07:48:08
  Thanks Tylluan. Things just seem to have gone downhill for me recently and I'm just feeling sorry for myself... I've tried giving myself a good talking to, but it really hasn't helped at all. I find myself shedding tears at the drop of a hat, often without reason. As for eating, if I don't stop soon I'll never get through the damn door!
  - - tylluanpenry
    - 14.09.2009 @ 08:08:25
    It'll get better, Usky, it always does. It's just hellish while you're going through it. As for comfort eating - you can always diet once you're feeling better! What matters for you is getting through the present - just take a day at a time.
    And do let me know if there's anything I can do.
    - - Usksider ^Pro
      - http://www.usksider.co.uk
      - 14.09.2009 @ 08:15:30
      Indeed it will, though I do wonder if maybe I should get my medication reviewed in an effort to progress things quickly. At least I don't fee like topping myself this time around.
      And thanks again, I will.
      - tylluanpenry
        
        14.09.2009 @ 08:50:41
        
        Well, it's always worth checking with your doctor, though you have to remember that medication doesn't take effect immediately anyway. Take care, be good to yourself - and know that your friends care about you!
        
        Reply to comment
        
        Permalink
        
        Show this thread
        
        Usksider ^Pro
        
        http://www.usksider.co.uk
        
        14.09.2009 @ 09:38:30
        
        I feel quite ashamed now...
        
        Reply to comment
        
        Permalink
        
        Show this thread
        
        tylluanpenry
        
        14.09.2009 @ 13:01:23
        
        All that matters is that you're coping - and better days WILL come again!
        
        Reply to comment
        
        Permalink
        
        Show this thread
        
        Usksider ^Pro
        
        http://www.usksider.co.uk
        
        15.09.2009 @ 12:01:48
        
        Sunny days will certainly come again... and may not be too far away.
        
        Reply to comment
        
        Permalink
- la_spice
- 14.09.2009 @ 08:13:14
Just give me a shout if ever you need a chat.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

M~x~
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 14.09.2009 @ 08:19:31
  Just trying to muster the enthusiasm to drag myself out... I know it'll help once I get there, wherever 'there' happens to be...
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- Melinda-solo
- 14.09.2009 @ 08:33:24
sometimes there is no explanation - or more likely there is, but we're just not able to see it.
I've had good reasons to feel depressed the last few months. Now that reason has gone - at least partially - but I still have feelings of foreboding. When I put my mind to it, I can come up with lots of reasons to be miserable. It's a hard habit to break.
Take care. I hope you're soon bouncing back.
xxx
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 14.09.2009 @ 09:32:46
  It is hard to see the wood for the trees at times - I know for sure I seem to plunge some way before the signs become apparent to me and am sure that's why I find it hard to stop myself falling into the pit...
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- Melinda-solo
- 14.09.2009 @ 08:36:00
I just read your exchange with Tylluanpenny. Getting a review of your medication sounds like an excellent idea. Take all practical steps you can and hang in there.
xxx
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 14.09.2009 @ 09:34:23
  I've booked myself an appointment... not until Wednesday, but still it means I get to see my guy.
  
  Just been busying myself with some humour... but you'll have to read it on my blog when you have time.
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- brokendownangel ^Pro
- 14.09.2009 @ 10:38:14
Oh sweety, I wish I could help, I do know how you feel. I know it is coming and even watch it arrive but am powerless to prevent it's stay. It just sits dark and miserable on my shoulder for as long as it wants to and for no reason at all that i can see.
Keeping busy helps sometimes, as does solitude for some reason. Knowing what works for you doesn't always mean you are in any way capable of doing it, sometimes storms just have to be ridden out - thank you for sharing this, it may not do much for you but it does for me xxxx
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 15.09.2009 @ 10:52:11
  It's a sod isn't it, when you know the black dog is coming up fast and there's nothing you can do to send the bugger away.
  
  Interestingly I actually do feel better just talking about things to my friends here...
  - - brokendownangel ^Pro
    - 15.09.2009 @ 11:14:52
    A problem shared and all that. It is good to get it out I think, even if there is no solution it does seem to help x
    - - Usksider ^Pro
      - http://www.usksider.co.uk
      - 15.09.2009 @ 11:17:43
      It's good to get it out... I always said... it's nice out, I think I'll leave it there!
      - Reply to comment
      - Permalink
- lookwhostalking888
- 14.09.2009 @ 10:40:14
I think the way your feeling is in the air. I am eating to much and pulling my hair out too. The thing is you sometimes don't realise that some people bring you down. I hope you feel more positive soon.

Maybe clean you house of negitve engery . I some times wash my mind wtih blue light and pick three positive things to keep me thing going.
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 15.09.2009 @ 10:56:12
  Maybe clean you house of negitve engery . I some times wash my mind wtih blue light and pick three positive things to keep me thing going.
  I finally managed to drag my sorry arse out yesterday, walking in the open air and communing with Nature always seems to help me. I hadn't thought about the blue light side of things before, but if being under blue skies counts then there must be something in it.
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- Bushka ^Pro
- Bushka
- 14.09.2009 @ 11:29:22
One of the most important steps ou are taking....'sharing with some others - like us - you feel. Ventilating one's feelings always has some positive consequences...sometimes not so apparent to ourselves....
Thinking of you Chum!
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 15.09.2009 @ 11:04:34
  It does make a big difference to get things out in the open... I wish I'd known that years ago, but sadly had to learn the hard way.
  - - Bushka ^Pro
    - Bushka
    - 15.09.2009 @ 12:05:05
    Hopefully, you will be able to utilise this avenue of release/relief to increasing advantage...
    - - Usksider ^Pro
      - http://www.usksider.co.uk
      - 15.09.2009 @ 12:13:31
      Indeed
      - Reply to comment
      - Permalink
- lilian1
- 14.09.2009 @ 12:09:39
Oh Usky Please dont ever think about leaving us we love your posts think way back a lot of people were away on holiday I agree with Bushka it does help to share the load so to speak I hope you will start to feel better very soon Ive forgotten how to do smileys otherwise I would have added one xx
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 15.09.2009 @ 12:12:13
  I can't afford to leave this community Lilian... it has been a life-saver for me over the last few years.
  - - lilian1
    - 15.09.2009 @ 12:51:06
    So pleased to hear that Usky this is a very supportive blog site we all need support at some point in our lives x
    - - Usksider ^Pro
      - http://www.usksider.co.uk
      - 15.09.2009 @ 12:55:04
      Exactly so... mutual support seems to work very well between friends here.
      - Reply to comment
      - Permalink
- foxhat ^Pro
- 14.09.2009 @ 13:03:37
You know you are being too hard on yourself.

The more I try to shake myself out of those feelings the worse they seem to get and the more I dislike myself. That seems to be how you are feeling now.

What sometimes works for me is to set myself a simple goal and a realistic timescale for doing it. Yesterday it was removing a small compost area from the garden. The fresh air, exercise and achieving something I'd been putting off restored me quite a lot and gave me a more positive outlook on my bigger problems and how to deal with them.

Hope you find something that works for you
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 15.09.2009 @ 12:00:18
  I've used the goal-setting idea myself and agree it certainly can help. The problem I've found with the technique is not always being able to realise when I was on a downward spiral and getting even more frustrated when simple goals remained out of reach.
  
  You're certainly right about me not liking myself and wanting to beat myself up.
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- janetweightreed
- http://www.janetweightreed10.blog.co.uk
- 14.09.2009 @ 14:03:40
I believe it is key to talk about how you feel with others...and you are doing that. I also feel that it's important to have a purpose each day....even if that's just meeting a fiend for a drink or a walk.

I find that writing down how I am feeling - even if what I write is so dreadful that it has to be immediately destroyed....it removes the stuff from my head...puts it outside of me onto paper, and somehow that makes whatever it is more manageable.

I have only been blogging for one year, but love having this connection with others.

Sending you all good thoughts
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 15.09.2009 @ 11:53:19
  Putting thoughts on paper is no bad thing - I was encouraged to keep mood and feeling diaries when I recovering from my breakdown and they did seem to help.
  
  Connecting to others through this medium is certainly good for me
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- ravingmad
- 14.09.2009 @ 18:30:16
It was probably triggered by sad events you've had in your life recently. Your sadness would have made it harder for you to get enough of the right sort of sleep, and messed up your sleep pattern, which in turn would make you tired and less in control of your emotions - ie depressed. Depression causes irregular sleep patterns, which cause depression! It's a vicious cycle triggered by life events, which will run out of impetus eventually, but in the meantime medication can help, as can talking about the "trigger/s" That's been my take on similar episodes I've had anyway. Hang on in there pal - we know what you're going through, and are happy to talk it through with you whenever you feel you want to. Big [[[HUGS]]] XXX
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 15.09.2009 @ 11:41:50
  Thanks Susie... the support offered here always humbles me.
  
  Tomorrow is another day, as the saying goes, and this day is already a happier one for me.
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- ravingmad
- 15.09.2009 @ 20:19:25
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 16.09.2009 @ 09:28:53
  Thank you....
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- lookwhostalking888
- 16.09.2009 @ 12:35:54
I beileve in the power of Hugs. But find there is no one to hug me back.Well maybe Huging my dog some times helps. But having some one putting there arms around you is for me the master of healers. I am a touchy person . I love Hugs and caring for others. Then some people are not hugers.

I don't know if its because as a child you hear your mothers and fathers heart beat or thats what you did when you were up set.
The secert to a good hug is someone who care about you and is a little tall then you .
Then there is holding a baby. They seem to have an engery so pure . That it helps you feel better to . I don't have children so I barrow them and then give them back.
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 16.09.2009 @ 21:18:09
  There is something very special about a hug... even a hug from a stranger can be an exquisite experience
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- lookwhostalking888
- 21.09.2009 @ 20:57:14
I was lessening To the BBC 2 radio at mid day and they were talking about Hugs. Most people said they don't like hug for hello's. I love hugs but would not invade someone's person space if they don't like it.

As for finding someone to hug is question.
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 21.09.2009 @ 21:11:00
  Hugs can be so comforting... you're right though, the British are renowned for their stand-offishness. Of course I wouldn't advocate invading personal space, but between consenting persons hugs are great.
  
  Finding a fellow to hug may not be easy; perhaps we should start a hugger index?
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- lookwhostalking888
- 22.09.2009 @ 10:06:04
The kick you get from a hug .Well you can get it from choclate . Maybe that why I eat so much of it. I have to go just up and need my first cup of tea know.Thank for writing back.
- - Usksider ^Pro
  - http://www.usksider.co.uk
  - 22.09.2009 @ 17:28:21
  You may have something there... I could easily be a chocoholic!
  
  Have a virtual {{{{{HUG}}}}}
  - Reply to comment
  - Permalink
- freeasthewind
- 13.10.2009 @ 03:01:29
I have come in late to the post but I will tell you I missed being on line this past month or so. I try not to vent alot but believe when it gets bad it does help and you know I do let it out. I am a screamer but sometimes that doesnt even help and then I know I am in for a bad one. But this blog does help even if I am not posting it helps when you reach out to others. Hugs to you my friend.
- Reply to comment
- Permalink
- freeasthewind
- 13.10.2009 @ 03:03:18
I have come in late to the post but I will tell you I missed being on line this past month or so. I try not to vent alot but believe when it gets bad it does help and you know I do let it out. I am a screamer but sometimes that doesnt even help and then I know I am in for a bad one. But this blog does help even if I am not posting it helps when you reach out to others. Hugs to you my friend.
- Reply to comment
- Permalink