I'm not sure if I suffer from depression or not. A doctor once told me I had high anxiety levels and borderline depression ten years ago when I first started feeling like this. I have been up and down since then. It's particularly bad over the last few weeks. I came home from a night out with work friends and hacked a strip out of my leg with a key. My boyfriend caught me at it and doesn't know where to put himself. I haven't done anything like that since before I met him. I feel very much out of control of my own life. I scream at my partner for the littlest things and I'm having difficulty in social situations where I'm not in my familiar local, and feel like I don't fit in anywhere. That's part of the reason I dropped out of University for the second time, I didn't really have any friends in class because I was somewhere between the 19yr olds and the 40yr olds and always felt left out especially when there were group projects and I seemed to end up on the sub bench. I barely go out anymore except to go to work. I have no desire to be intimate with my partner, which is causing major friction and I can't seem to be able to tell anyone about this. I have been pretty down before and was ignored by my family who left me to my own devices and offered great advice like 'pull yourself together'. It's really not that simple. Is it?
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Usksider
Pro - http://www.usksider.co.uk
- 10.09.2008 @ 07:44:58
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- 10.09.2008 @ 20:47:25
I agree with Usky. It's sounds like it's time to take yourself off to the Doctor and get some help. For years I went through various lengths of depression but never knew what to do. To go to the Doctor was an admission that something was wrong with me. Plus I had hear all these horrible things about anti-depression tablets. No way did I want to be on medication. Some years ago, I was in a relationship and during one bad patch, felt myself trying to distance myself from him - lost feelings of intimacy; couldn't explain things either to him, as mind was blank. The tears and feeling of not being in both control and able to cope eventually forced me to go see my Doctor. I'm glad I did. I was put on medication (not on any of the ones that have made the press)and he took time to explain everything to me. It helped and now if when I go downhill and feel that I'm not going to come out of it quickly, I have no hesitation in going to my GP and asking for help.
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iccle_caffin
- 11.09.2008 @ 23:16:59
Thankyou both for your comments. I'm feeling a lot more positive today for the first time in weeks. It helps to know i'm not alone in the way I feel. I shall endeavour to post back when I can to let you know how I go. Probably won't get to the doctors for a little while due to the silly work hours I do but rest assured I feel more determined to do something about it this time.
Thanks again. -
Hello.
I'm in the middle of a bad patch myself right now, but seeing your post here I felt the need to comment... my first comment anywhere for weeks as it goes.
The "pull yourself together" and "come on, snap out of it!" comments really don't help at all do they? It's far more important to talk your issues through... believe me, I know. I bottled it all up for years and being a typical bloke kept everything to myself. I also bottled up my emotions... another huge mistake.
From what you say, the mood swings, social difficulties, lack of sex-drive, etc. do point towards a depressive state and some major anxiety/confidence issues. My advice would be to seek help from your GP right away and if possible get yourself referred to the local mental health team for some counselling/anxiety management sessions.
What I'm trying to say here is, don't let things get too far out of hand. I felt much as you do... and it almost cost me my life. Please don't make the same mistakes I did.
Good luck.