i don't even know if this is depression. I'm too scared to look up what counts as depression in case it does. If it doesn't then sorry for being in the wrong place.
My life is great, i love my job, my boyf treats me great, i travel a lot and have great friends. So why can't i be happy? Even when things go great, within minutes i start thinking about what could happen to ruin it. I find myself sitting there and my mind drifts onto different ways to kill myself. I fantasise about it over & over again. But i know i would never do it.I want to cry, to break down & hide away from everything. For everything to be over. I feel like i have no-one to talk to, nobody cares ![]()
But then other times i feel so happy. Like nothing can get me down. Like everythink is going to be just fine and i have the most perfect life!
Whats wrong with me?! Why do i feel like this?!
Ryan407

Maybe your scared that your life is going too well and therefore something bad is round the corner? This leads you into dark thoughts and things go round and round in your head until you feel horrible.
Or perhaps you feel like this because your used to living life at such a high, what i mean is that your constantly doing things you love and enjoy , however I'm guessing there are times that you sit in your house and do absolutely nothing and it is times like these when you feel bad and if this is the case I'd say that because your used to such an enjoyable life, anything that would be seen as average to most people (e.g a night home alone) might seem like a horrible experience for you. This experience might get you down and then cause you to feel the way you do.
Regardless of what causes it, I don't believe there's anything wrong with you,I'm sure its not uncommon for people to think about such things.
I hope you feel better
Ryan