i don't even know if this is depression. I'm too scared to look up what counts as depression in case it does. If it doesn't then sorry for being in the wrong place.

My life is great, i love my job, my boyf treats me great, i travel a lot and have great friends. So why can't i be happy? Even when things go great, within minutes i start thinking about what could happen to ruin it. I find myself sitting there and my mind drifts onto different ways to kill myself. I fantasise about it over & over again. But i know i would never do it.I want to cry, to break down & hide away from everything. For everything to be over. I feel like i have no-one to talk to, nobody cares :'(
But then other times i feel so happy. Like nothing can get me down. Like everythink is going to be just fine and i have the most perfect life!

Whats wrong with me?! Why do i feel like this?! :??: