@ 13.05.2008 – 07:37:19
What is Stepping Stones?
Stepping Stones is a support group dedicated to sufferers of Depression.
We understand how debilitating depression can be; don't feel you have to suffer alone... you are among friends here. Let your depression out with the Stepping Stones support group!
@ 13.07.2008 – 22:02:03
i should lock up what happened to me last summer in a box and put it away
thing is, i dont want to
to be told by a doctor whom i now trust with my life that im not crazy
just because i have this disease it dosent mean i cant get on with every day things
+ its the only thing thats mine
that might sound strange
but hey im not normal and i dont think i ever will be and i think im finally getting to grips with that
@ 12.07.2008 – 11:13:57
One of my many parts is the ability to withdraw into myself and suffer in silence. As a young child I was hit by the polio epidemic in 1955; as a result I suffered a period of isolation seeing no-one except the medical staff looking after my needs. Right or wrong, I知 convinced this episode had a lasting effect on my personality.
As well as withdrawing, I sometimes feel the need to stay silent. This is not a case of wanting to be alone, but rather like Greta Garbo I want to be let alone.
In this state I find it hard to communicate with others and realise this is hard for those who care for me because it must appear I am ignoring them. In fact I知 not, I just feel I have nothing to say and would rather be quiet... let alone... not pressured.
Under normal circumstances I find I can conquer the feeling within a relatively short time and return to more natural levels of communication. More recently I知 finding this harder and harder to achieve. The periods of silence are extending. I知 becoming less and less communicative.
People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) are withdrawn and detached from others and appear to be emotionally cold and distant. Damn that sounds just like me, but I have not been diagnosed as suffering from SPD.
I知 aware that I display symptoms of both Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) and Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD), but likewise haven稚 been diagnosed with either of these.
Perhaps the psych needs to explore me further...
Anyway, I know I知 not alone in this affliction(?) of self-imposed silence and am wondering how others out there cope with their need for minimal communication?
@ 01.07.2008 – 04:13:12
Do any of you guys have very odd dreams?
I don't just mean the everyday strangeness that dreams tend to feature. 
I mean really weird dreams... 
I certainly do and they are always worse when I'm that little extra stressed.
I'm convinced my dreams have been very much odder since I started taking medication to fight my depression... and as already mentioned, when something stressful is playing on my mind I can guarantee I'm in for some extra-weird night time experiences.
Woke myself up screaming three times last night... probably woke the rest of the household too... I don't remember what I was screaming at though... the general context of the dream was being back at work... anyway, my night ended somewhat prematurely. 
@ 30.06.2008 – 18:43:44
We all suffer stress at some time or another... it's a part of modern life these days unfortunately. But added stress in the life of someone suffering from anxiety can be enough to cause some serious damage.
Since I first starting suffering from depression I've found myself becoming extremely anxious when stress levels rise. Thankfully I've found a couple of coping strategies that generally work for me. They're not new or particularly clever strategies, but I thought I'd share them in case they can help others.
Controlled Breathing
You know that feeling when your heart starts hammering and you begin getting all sweaty and your breath comes in short, sharp pants? In case you didn't know, that's anxiety... and you need to control it.
Try not to worry about the pounding in your chest; you're not going to have a heart attack and keel over, trust me. The thing to do is to get hold of your breathing.
For me this is best done by recognising the situation before things get too advanced and by taking a deep breath.
Suck air deep into your lungs and hold your breath while you count slowly to four. Exhale slowly counting to six (slowly) as you blow out.
Inhale counting slowly to six as you do, then hold your breath and count slowly to five before exhaling to another slow count of six.
Inhale counting slowly to seven as you do, then hold your breath and count slowly to six before exhaling to another slow count of seven.
Inhale counting slowly to eight as you do, then hold your breath and count slowly to seven before exhaling to another slow count of eight.
I'm sure you get the picture...
I keep this up to an inhale/exhale of ten and hold of eleven; the numbers are meaningless really, it's the process of slow breathing with a pause between the inhale and exhale that does the trick.
My experience has been that I'm back in control by the count of ten and my heart rate has reduced.
Visiting A Relaxing Place
The second strategy I use works for me when I'm left waiting in a stressful situation. Again, you all know what this is like... you fidget and fret and more you fret, the worse things seem to become.
In this situation I use a calming image and imagine myself at that place. The images I use tend to be by water... the sea, a river or lake, but you need to imagine something that works for you.
The thing to do is close your eyes and visualise your image in the middle of your head. If you can create it in a black void, so much the better.
Breathe slowly while you visualise and try to let your limbs go heavy as you do... concentrate on your image... feel the breeze... hear the birds... or the waves... feel the sunshine...
Just let your mind do its stuff and you may be surprised by the results; the mind is an incredible thing.
I'm not suggesting these strategies will work for everyone, but they have certainly helped me.
There are times however when nothing seems to work... I'm having a stressful week and not sleeping... this has raised my stress levels and nothing I seem to do just now is helping. 
@ 12.06.2008 – 10:45:45
Everyone agrees that being a grown up is stressful.
How often do you wish you were a child again?
I've just come across a very interesting article I'd like to pass on.
Top 10 Stress Relief Strategies From Your Inner Child (click on title)
Tips include hugs, naps and daydreams - can't be bad!
Here's a big blogging hug to be going on with!
ps here's another link you might enjoy reading courtesy of netbizguru
@ 07.06.2008 – 08:56:23
Well it has been some time since I posted on my blog -the shop blog has had two posts but I want to keep that seperate. I have been hit hard with depression over the past few weeks, one of the worst boutsI have had and I felt desperate at times. The anti-depressants the doctor prescribed I didn't take, not suggesting that anyone else should not take theirs but I'm tired of pills so I decided against the orders to take them and to 'just get on with it' and although I am still fragile emotionally things are better and I'm getting back on with it. I am always trying to project myself outwards, this time just couldn't. I thank god for my friends who were there for me and my husband even though he doesn't understand from an 'insiders' point of view, he will do the practical things like cook wash up and walk the dog as well as working full time. Lying in bed with the covers over my head wanting the world to go away and crying non stop with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness is how it went, how do you explain that? The past has a big part to play in these feelings. I might write about it one day but reliving it may make things worse,at the same time perhaps it would help, but right now it just makes me feel vulnerable. I also have personal family stresses which Ican't talk about which puts enormous strain on me and my husband. I have a double doctors appointment coming up with a new surgery and am being sent to the hospital for tests, they think it is fybromyalgia as everything points to that in fact they have said it is but it needs to be diagnosed properly. The pain is enough to make anyone depressed apart from anything else. Right now it isn't too bad, always there but bearable. the thing is you never know where you are going to feel the pain one day it will be in my jaw and the next it could be down my entire right side, last week i couldn't walk without a limp because of the pain in my thigh. I look healthy, there are no outward signs and to keep talking about it is a complete bore to everyone around you, living with it is hard, so I hope soon to get some treatment. There is no cure apparently but there are ways of managing the pain. So I will wait and see and hopefuly someone can help me. Meanwhile it is a lovely day so am planning a day out tomorrow, perhaps take a packed lunch and take my camera which has been sadly neglected recently, get the pastels out and paint a picture? i don't know but at least i feel like I am living again. Went and met gtwo mates yesterday for coffee, sat outside in the sun, went and had a browse in the shops, bought a pair of ethnic style flip flops for flip flopping around in the sun and they look very smart only three quid and a towel bale for my son who has just moved into a flat, five pounds! That made me smile
@ 26.05.2008 – 10:11:03
I hate the unpredictability of suffering from depression. One minute I can be fine, full of the joys of life, and the next.....feel like the stuffing's been kicked out of me.
Well, that's how I feel this morning as I sit here contemplating when to go outside to do the food shopping. The tears are rolling down my face and it's making me angry as I don't know understand why I feel so shit. It's too easy to say it's the illness - it still doesn't explain it sufficiently for me. I'm tired of this roller coaster of a ride. I'm not bipolar so the ride isn't one of extreme spikes - just feel my life is running at mediocrity with bumps downwards - so, don't know why I've used the roller coaster analogy.
I know it will all go away as suddenly as it appeared. But as I sit here alone, I do wonder whether anyone will be able to share my life with me. Who is going to put up with my "stomps" (as I call them). I don't enjoy being alone, and more than ever, when I'm having my stomps I just want to curl up to someone, and just feel that it's going to be alright. No words need to be said.
There's a world outside there that I need to face, so think it's time to wash my face, dry the tears and do my shopping. Will also force myself into the gym with the hope that pounding the treadmill will activate some of the happy hormones inside my brain.
@ 26.05.2008 – 06:21:04
The Mask I Wear
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!
My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my
weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks
to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that
knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
I dislike hiding, honestly
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,
the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
that I'm just no good
and you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without,
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,
The glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
but what I can not say.
It will not be easy for you,
long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
you wonder who I am
you shouldn't
for I am everyman
and everywoman
who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.
-----author unknown and it has been published in a number of books and on the web.
@ 24.05.2008 – 11:38:56
For everyone who's feeling low and alone! Remember there's always someone here for you.
A HUG
A hug is something
That I want to share
A hug is a touch
To show that I care
A hug is the warmth
Of holding you near
A hug is to show
That you致e nothing to fear
A hug is for giving
A hug is for two
A hug is something
I give freely to you.
ｩMarian Barker
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